Perfection

Oh my. I have not posted in such a long time. I wasn't even sure if this was still around. I so rarely get on the computer. I am technologically challenged. I just type really fast.
What's going on in my life right now? So hard to say it all in a one post. It's been a hellacious week with the Verdi Requiem taking up residence in the UAB choir. It's been one long string of rehearsals one after the other. I love it though. It's right in my register and I could sing for days on it.
It's like life through music. A living, breathing representation of a person's relationship with God and the struggles we as humans go through to attain the perfection that we strive for everyday. It's a blessing that we are not held to that perfection, but forgiven by someone greater than us. I try to think of that when I get a "D" on a lab report(totally undeserved by the way) or when I get a bad tip on a table. It's nice to remember that everything will be ok.
Because let's face it. Most people walk around scared all their lives of things that might or might not happen. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, living your life on the "ifs". Especially when it comes to the future. Yet another constant worry on my mind.
I know what kind of person I want to be, but since college started, that person seems so far removed from me. I want to be a better person, and I try to be, but temptation is just so great. It weighs down on me. I feel it in every decision that I make. I fear that I have not done as good a job as I could have.
It's in these moments that I can sink my teeth into the Verdi and really get the meaning in it. "Salva me" speaks to me particularly. (Even though I do enjoy the descent into Hell via the Dies Irae) I just wish that we took more time as college students to really enjoy and relate in the meaning of the pieces we need to sing for the grade. You'd be suprised just how much more you get out of the experience.
We all deal with inadequacy. I just hope that everyone remembers the one thing that still makes the world go around and that's faith and hope in yourself. I especially need to tell myself this. I hope if anyone reads this that it brightens your day, because it has brightened mine to share it with you.