I am in a class that I really want to get out of. I like the material, but I don't feel like I'm learning anything that is helpful. I will not say what class it is, but I just feel too scared or angry half the time to do anything right. Professors shouldn't make you feel that way, because it slows progress in my opinion. Maybe I'm too sensitive....I don't know. I just want to be the best I can be and lately I feel like I will never reach that goal. Like I'm not working hard enough. But, that could be the attitude that pushes me to work harder. I just don't want to live my life without any satisfaction in my efforts. That's a bad way to live; to see only the imperfections in things and not the beauty.
Cole and I are fine. We did have a shaky night last night. It was our six-month anniversary and I had to go make bouquets for my friend Ashley's wedding. It was a tough thing to do, because I had planned to go out with Cole, but Ashley's wedding is this weekend. And, I will be out of town all this week, arriving just in time to miss the rehearsal dinner and head straight to the bachelorette party...and I'm the maid of honor! I had to make the bouqets. There was no other time I could do it, because she had to work tonight. It was beyond my control, but he got mad nevertheless. I just feel so bad all the time, because stuff happens and it screws up our plans. And I'm tired of feeling bad about it. There are tons of things that happen everyday and I can't do anything to fix it. I don't mind that he's mad, but he's always mad at me. It's not that he's getting things put before him, but I only have so much time outside of all the crap I do for people. I try to give him all the space I can, I just feel......nevermind. I'm probably just whining about nothing. I love my relationship, I'm just tired of feeling like I screw it up all the time. I'm ready for good days. I used to have them all the time, but since college started, I haven't had that many. Maybe that's life coming into play, but dang. Is there anything I have to look forward to at all?
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Cole, if you're reading this, it's not about you sweetie. I just wanted to vent, so don't take it personally.
Haha, not about me? Whatever you say. I'm not mad at you, and you don't screw up all the time, so don't bring that upon yourself. We both have busy lives, and I've just been letting mine get the best of my attitude. I'm sorry if I've been taking part of my frustration out on you. I really try not to, it's just by the time I see you (the end of the day), I've built up so much stress and worry, and I have nowhere to blow it, except the gym, but I usually can't go. You know that I love you with everything that I have, and please don't worry that you're going to lose me, because you're not. I would NEVER do something like that. You're too amazing of a young woman to do that to. Things will get better in time baby...I believe it with all of my heart. I have never cared about anybody as much as I care about you...I want you to remember that. You have my heart and my loyalty. I miss you, and I can't wait until you get back, so I can smother you in kisses. Turtle, Cole
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